Vultures are really smart

Dear Reader,

As you can see in this link vultures have taken up residence in a retirement community in Texas. This is awesome. It is an ingenious way for the vultures to get to their food early. Early vulture gets the corpse, I always say. Really I say it all the time. Its about time it was relevant.

The best part about the above video is that homegirl is confused about why they are there in the first place. They are there to feed! They can smell death. Or at least they can clearly smell imminent death. Evolution is a nifty thing!

I also really enjoy their solution. Air horns. Now a future conversation can go like this:
"THIS IS SO MUCH NICER THAN WHEN THE VULTURES WERE HERE!"
"WHAT?!"
"THE VULTURES! IT'S SO MUCH NICER NOW THAT THEY'RE GONE!"
"YOUR EARS ARE BLEEDING!"
"WHAT?!"

A better solution would be to have more younger folks move in. The smell of youthful vitality will be distasteful to the vultures. Plus it will be a bit quieter than the air horns, if you can ignore the loud hip hop blaring from the boom boxes that the kids are so fond of these days.

Enjoy your youth,
Scott

Some clerical updates

Dear Reader,

Not much to say today, just some quick notes. As you can see off to the right, you can now both follow me on Twitter and email me. Feel free to do either. I was debating on joining Faceload, but I really hate the Faceloads, so that won't be happening just yet. I am also not the biggest Twitter fan, but it seems like the best marketing strategy available right now. I shall return later with more ramblings.

Farewell,
Scott

Move over Tupac

Dear Reader,

I wanted to do a Michael Jackson post when he died because I love when celebrities die, especially when they have allegedly done something bad (like molest little boys). Sadly I did not have this blog to write about MJ, so I had to wait for some news. Luckily it was reported that Jackson's estate was signed to a ten album record deal fro $250 million. Hooly shit! Hooly?

So now Mr. Shakur won't be the only dead guy releasing new music every year. Is this deal even necessary? Michael has been replaced.

If we need a musician to walk around in a mask for no reason we can always look to that crazy bitch Lady Gaga. It's really cheating to say you have a great Poker Face when you wear masks all the time (have some respect for the game Ms. Gaga)

If we want someone who looks like a terrifying character in a Tim Burton stop motion animated movie we can look at Amy Winehouse. Well we can't look at her for long, because really she has to be eating it in the near future (also if you look at her for too long your eyes melt away, true story).

If we need someone to look at to show us how cosmetic surgery has gone wrong, we have Janice Dickinson. You can literally hit her i the face with a shovel and nothing would happen.

Most importantly, who the douche would buy a new MJ album? He hasn't out out a good song since 1995. Did anyone buy Invincible? I didn't hear a yes. His latest single, the appropriately titled "This Is It" was terrible.

Aside from a bed time story to scare children Michael Jackson is completely irrelevant. However he died, so now we all have to care about it again and pretend that as his face deteriorated so did his music. How cool would it have been if they hooked him up to a marionette system and reenacted the video for "Thriller" at his funeral. That would have been sweet.

My condolences,

Scott

Avatar is an overrated piece of crap

Dear Reader,

As you can see by the title of this post, I think Avatar is wonderful! Well unless you are looking for a good movie. If the quality of a film was based entirely on graphics and special effects, then yes, Avatar is one of the greatest movies ever made. It is visually stunning. However all praise ends there.

It took James Cameron ten years to make this movie. Let's read that again, together this time. It took James Cameron ten years to make this movie. TEN YEARS! That is an entire decade to develop characters, write a story, and work your effects magic. Have you seen Disney's Pocahontas and/or Dances with Wolves? The you've seen Avatar. In ten fucking years one would think you could come up with a movie that wasn't a complete rip off of AT LEAST two other movies. I really wouldn't care that this movie is completely unoriginal, if it wasn't nominated for a best picture awards and it didn't take 120 months to make. I am looking at Wikipedia right now and it says that James wrote an 80 page scriptment for Avatar in 1994. So it actually took him fifteen years to take this massive shit. What an asshole!

His excuse is that he spent so much time creating the planet of Pandora and its rich history, its new language, and all the pretty graphics. I could see where the actual plot could get int he way of all of the superficial nonsense.

In case you haven't seen the movie let me just say this. The people like creatures in the movie have four appendages. The animal like creatures have six appendages. This may seem like its not a big deal, but it is a huge deal. It defies all rules of evolution and natural selection. First of all, evolution is real, anyone who says otherwise should just sit down and be quiet forever. All higher forms of animal life on Earth evolved from a four legged animal, that is why mammals, reptiles, amphibians, and birds all have four appendages. It doesn't make any sense that these rules would be different on James Cameron's douche bag planet. The blue folks there should have an extra set of arms or legs. This fact bothered me after seeing the first six legged thing. Then it was a nagging annoyance for the rest of the three hour film.

This fucking thing better not win an Oscar for best picture. Go see District 9 it was a far more superior alien movie. If you haven't seen Avatar by the time its out of the theatres don't even bother. It will suck out loud on your two dimensional smaller than an IMAX TV.

See you at the movies,

Scott